againstallODDs~

Of you i know so well

This post is for two ppl,both whom i know so well,


To the girl who just turned 20, welcome to the club!
For us,this path is coincidently a dream,
Revealing only what is on our minds,
Inside the eyes of the self we see,
Each moment as a colour on our wall,
Nothingness awaits, as sure as night,
Did I not have you, Nadee dearie, I might,
Shadow on a shade, vagueness with the words i blog.
How we need just friendship,but we became family instead,
In love and laughter, thoughts of different kinds,ties bond.
Passing days, was easier than it seemed.
Happy Birthday!!

To the man i owe my life to,
Congrats Ayah!! i'm so proud of u.Your wisdom,hope, courage through us run.


p/s: Goodluck for the exams everyone!

Grandparents are God-sent.

On the phone last nite, the boyfriend asked, "have u ever asked ur grandma why ur Tok bukak printing n advertising company? " i asked him, "knape suddenly u berminat?" His answer was, during those days, only chinese dominated that area.So he was wondering how my Tok did it. The conversation went on pretty deep, before i realized i was holding back tears.
Tok is a man of few words.He likes to travel and read good books.He is highly respected by all. When i was young, i never really know who he is to everyone else, all i knew was he is my Tok and he's very loving. I didn't get the chance to know my other grandfather since he passed away when my father was only three.So Tok is my one n only atuk, the one who gives us all the love a grandfather can give.The one who spoiled us with gifts and presents everytime he came back from overseas.The one whom i love to share kisah-kisah Nabi with coz he knows a lot, n he's been to almost all the place featured in Jejak Rasul. The one i turned to when i'm sick " Tok, jampi la.Tonsil sakit". The one who bought a freezer-full of ice cream because doctor ckp ice cream is good for tonsil. The one who visited us twice a year when we were in America because he missed us and also to make sure everything went well. The one who bought me the make up kit 3 tingkat i've been wanting when i was a little girl. The one who likes to see cucu-cucu all well dressed. The one who is most excited with my Giga pet. The one with a strict expression when it comes to questions like " dah solat?". The one who loves family gatherings. And the one who is dearly missed every day.
One day we were having dinner together at the long table.I sat at the corner, Tok sat on my right, n abang on his right. When it seemed like i almost finished my dinner, he put more nasik on my plate.I remembered this conversation vividly, little did i know it was our last. "Kak dah kenyang, Tok la tambah nasik"i said while he was putting lauk on my plate. usually he would say, "okay Tok tambah jugak,kita makan sama-sama", but that evening his answer was different."Tok tak boleh tambah dah, rezeki Tok dah nak habis" he replied softly, with a smile. I remembered saying, 'Tok ni, tak baiklah cakap macam tu'. Then i continue eating.If only i knew that was our last dinner together, i would have stayed at the table a little longer.
That night, i was sleeping when my mother suddenly ran into the room, turned on the lights, sobbing. I was half awake when she said she lost her dad. She shoved me a yellow baju kurung and walk out the door. Outside, many people were in the house reciting Yaasin.I was too young to fathom the phenomenon as it was the first time in the family (the first which affects me greatly).But at that young age of 10, i understood that i won't be seeing Tok ever again in my life.But it feels alright to know he passed away in a good way. As i grow older, i learn a lot about my Tok, his background,and who he really is to the society.I'm proud being his grandaughter. I remember my grandfather's prayers, and they have always followed me all my life.
Now i'm lucky i still have Nenek and Wan. My grandmothers, both with the grandest love of all. At their age, i realize they won't stay with us for long, but i really hope they would go knowing that i really love and cherish them.
Al-Fatihah to my grandfathers; Haji Ismail Bin Hajjah Zainab and Yaacob Bin Dollah.

The cook in me.

It's amazing how in one year we mature like THIS much.(i've said this many times i know).Almost one year i mean. I still remember a few days before i left for sydney, my dad suggested that i shud start learn how to cook real food. Not butter cakes. Not baking. I refused since i thot i'm gonna stay at Malaysia Hall this year so i dun hv to cook. Often when my mum was cooking n i happened to be in the kitchen, she wud tell me how to do it, convince me how easy it was. But those day, recipes just cn't get into my head. I listened of coz, but i cud'nt fathom one bit. When i came to sydney, the plan has changed. I live outside n cooking is a must. I freak out at first, considering the fact that i cud'nt even differentiate between lengkuas,halia n kunyit. I cn't tell the difference between daun bwg n daun pandan, siang ikan apetah lagi la kn?well,u get the picture.BUT today, i  find myself giving out recipes to ppl haha..not only that, i've also experienced cooking for 80 ppl.Funny.But it feels good.thanks to the good cooks i live with today.

Driving checked.Baking checked. Cooking checked.i need to find smtg new to learn.Next???haha..

It's amazing how in one year we mature like THIS much.(i've said this many times i know).Almost one year i mean. I still remember a few days before i left for sydney, my dad suggested that i shud start learn how to cook real food. Not butter cakes. Not baking. I refused since i thot i'm gonna stay at Malaysia Hall this year so i dun hv to cook. Often when my mum was cooking n i happened to be in the kitchen, she wud tell me how to do it, convince me how easy it was. But those day, recipes just cn't get into my head. I listened of coz, but i cud'nt fathom one bit. When i came to sydney, the plan has changed. I live outside n cooking is a must. I freak out at first, considering the fact that i cud'nt even differentiate between lengkuas,halia n kunyit. I cn't tell the difference between daun bwg n daun pandan, siang ikan apetah lagi la kn?well,u get the picture.BUT today, i  find myself giving out recipes to ppl haha..not only that, i've also experienced cooking for 80 ppl.Funny.But it feels good.thanks to the good cooks i live with today.

Driving checked.Baking checked. Cooking checked.i need to find smtg new to learn.Next???haha..

Just another day.

There's nutting special abt 2day, really..i just feel like writing b4 i go to bed.Typing i mean. There r many things on my mind rite now. None is urgent. Tadi kn, when i was sitting on my bed listening to the silence of the house, i suddenly felt very hollow. I dunno how to describe it by words, but for one magical moment, i wish Ramadhan is here again..Deep inside, there's a soft spot regretting a few things.
We went beraya at Pn. Haslina's today. Her children makes me miss my brothers. Yasmin din resemble anyone in my family, but Yassir is a bit like Hafiz. That explains why i miss my brothers. He wanted to follow his mum send us home td, he's like-insisting! I'm touched when he said, " i'll walk behind umi's car", then Pn Haslina said "No, jauh!" n she speed off. He ran faster ikut belakang kreta,until we were out of sight.
Throughout the journey home, my mind travelled to the days when i was a girl in Colorado. I see myself, sha n abang, in our imaginary bus. Abang had many weird ambitions tau when he was a child. He wanted to become a bus driver la, org tolak snow la, even funnier, there's one time he wanted to be a dog.haha. Slowly, my mind travelled to the days when i was a bit older, n there's Hafiz n Helmi.Memories with them took place mostly at Alamanda,home and their school...Then the car came to a halt, bringing me back to reality.
Owh, i wonder y lately 'Seri Dewi Malam' often creeps into my unconcious mind. Like now. Like then.There's this one line which stands out very obviously. Whenever i sing that part, Adill will go like, 'kamu jgn merepekla' haha... obviously i'm not gonna tell which part, or else u'll be able to read between the lines. n That wud be the last thing i want u to do.*grin*
Something i said yesterday makes the bf cut his hair 2day.i know how much he likes his hair long, n dats y i'm guilty.Odd,mind ur words,mind ur words!!*heehee*
I think i cn sleep now. Thanks for reading!
Okayla, let's not dwell too much on the past after dis!

Raya

Let's do a bit of post-mortem to call it a day. Raya was better than i'd expected, really. Minus the worried-look i wear all over the place on the 1st day, inviting ppl to ask, 'r u okay?' ,dat time i was'nt. Now i am...thanks to all of u who showed concern, i appreciate it very much.Really. My experience of raya away from home is truly enriching. I learnt how to cucuk sate, anyam ketupat, menjala roti jala,bwt kuih raye yadda yadda.I cn nvr get this experience at home since Malaysia has evtg ready-made. n owh, this raya also made me realize smtg. I am not as gregarious as i thought i am. I always thought i hv no problems talking to ppl, may they be the ppl i just met, old acquaintances, or random. I do hv moments when i felt awkward talking to a person rupenye!haha. U know how sumtimes u just dunno how to response, wut to say, or how to keep the conversation running, i have that problem jugak.Baru realize semalam.The guyfriend said there r two possibilities:
1) maybe i hv feelings for that person.
2) maybe i was too worried  abt my fmly mase tu to actually focus on the conversation.
hmm, maybe~
Let's talk on raya a bit more. Had many invitations beraya here n there. We hv to skip some coz they were overlapping of events. U know wut, even back home,i'm not the type who likes to beraya byk2. Auntie Nordi once said, 'mama n ayah tu if dtg rmh auntie mcm newlyweds je asyik x bawak anak'..that's y i'm surprised i managed to go beraya smpai mlm on da 1st day. Just so not me haha. See, hv i told u yet in less than one year, i've mature like oh-so-amazingly?
Good night everyone!
p/s: Happy 3rd raya 2gether org poon-ting!u remind me of a song, too jiwang to be mentioned here haha.*big laugh*

Isn't it sad that those days seemed so long time ago?

Well there is only a day left til Hari raya hits, n i guess the house is ready. Lampu kelip2 and cards are up, some kuihs are done, some are still in the oven,cleaning up session is done.Lagu raya dh psg..checked,checked, checked! But something is amiss. I'm pretty sure it's the distance.I miss everyone and everything back home. I wanna visit kubur Tok, i wanna salam2 everyone, i want lemang wan, n kuah kacang nenek. I want rendang mama, ketupat palas pak lang, bahulu wan, sambal goreng mak che fad,rendang kuala kubu + beranang. But deep inside, what i really want is to know that everyone back home is safe and happy. The long list i mentioned earlier tu saje mengade je haha. Mama if u're reading this dun feel bad, seriously,i'm all good.it's just that i miss everyone. Reminiscing the old days always give me this touchy feelings inside. I remembered this one raya, i was so sad coz my baju raya dun look good on me,n i sulk for i thought my sister's silk was of better quality, n there's another raya i was moody coz my mum made the 4 of us pakai baju sama n i dun think it's cute anymore haha.. n this year, my baju raya will arrive after raya, n i'm amazed that i dun mind at all.Really.The idea that my sisters will be here in a few weeks time is comforting.It's really amazing eh how in less than one year, i mature like THIS much ...n owh,i would like to thank everyone who wished me raya. The many wishes, the cards, the text messages help a lot in giving me the festive feelings.This raya obviously cn't be the same, but thanks to the people around me, it cn't be bad either kn?
This Ramadhan has been good, minus the many subur days.*sigh*
LBNL, Selamat Hari Raya Mama,ayah,nenek,wan,abang,sha,jha,nana,hafiz,helmi,pak long n family,Che ngoh n family,Ateh n family,Umi n family,ingoh,Che da,che li,che su,che fad,balqis,haziq,yaya,khalif, auntie nordi n family. Semualah!

'Jangan sedih pagi ini, tak dapat kita bersama, meraikan Aidilfitri yg mulia...' lalala..I'll be seeing all of u in  less than 2 months time.

p/s: I've got my very first duit raya for this year, thanks ma n ayah! ;)

Hey, is everyone okay?

I was at the sink, nak amik wudhu when suddenly a plate (or two) fell on the floor n crushed into thin pieces. It was so fast, i cud'nt even see how many. I SWEAR i din touch it. Perhaps i transferred energy to it through induction.It does'nt make sense, i din touch it..i'm not even near.But i'd be lying if i said dia pecah sendiri kn?.You know in movies, pinggan pecah, barang jatuh, or anytg similar always gives a bad sign. creepy. I'm not superstitious, but i'm still worried.can't help it.Wutever it is,i hope everyone at home is safe.I hope poon is safe too.and mcau.and difad.and the guyrfriend who just experienced a bad break up. and everyone. I need to catch some sleep!

Just something on my mind before bed.

Among one of the many random conversations i had with my best guyfriend on the phone just now is abt women.He said women are naturally blessed with determination. His example was simple. He made cheesecake for potluck yesterday, n he realized nk kacau cheese without using a mixer adlh sgt lenguh. Another friend of him agrees with this coz he got fed up kacau kuah apetah. Then they started to wonder how women do it oh-so easily. One of them came up with the idea that it was'nt easy for women too, but women are just determined to get the kuih ready that they ignore the lenguh part. Esp our grandmamas who never really own a mixer pon dulu2, but they manage to buat kuih for a surau of ppl. He gave me another example which is closer to his today's life. He found many girls in short skirts, even on chilly nights. Obviously these girls do know it's cold outside..but because they wanna wear skirts, they rather ignore the pain...haha..yea, n i kinda agree with him jugak a tiny bit tho i dun favour generalization in gender. N owh, talking abt women,one of my girlfriend just had a break up. Her ex has been cheating on her for two months n din even bother to confess until she discover it herself. That guy is a JERK okay!I may be impudent to say this, but trust me, he is the most stupid guy to inhabit the planet.I'm not emotional when i write this, i have my reasons.seriously. i believe she'll get a new one in a jiffy,if she wants.The keyword here is 'if she wants'. n i'm glad she din sound sedih at all in da fone td.but i cud sense anger and hatred for sure. You go girl!!
n owh, another girlfriend is on cloud nine.Two in fact. Best wishes to my two darlings (one in Canberra, another in Christchurch) who are officially in love. I've learnt my lessons not to generalized ppl because of their gender,trust me, not all guys are jerks.

LBNL, i know this poem might be a bit overdue,but i'm giving it nway.

To ismah,

       You feel the fortune of your years,
       For all your walking youth,
      This day must bring you happy tears
      And thoughts that joyful music prove.       

      I hope, for all your walking youth,
      There is an island, be it small,
      And thoughts that joyful music prove
      Beyond what years you may recall.       

      There is an island, be it small,
      Amid the passions of the sea,
      Beyond what years you may recall,
      Where you in silent grace can be.       

      Amid the passions of the sea,
      This day must bring you happy tears.
      Where you in silent grace can be,
      You feel the fortune of your years.

Happy twentieth.Your wish is granted.see, no pranks!! haha..